


Original Stories

by ariel2me



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-05-25 05:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14970083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariel2me/pseuds/ariel2me
Summary: A collection of original ficlets.Chapter 6: Character In Limbo





	1. The Sequel

_“First, old George persuades Karla to come over to the West. Finds his weak spot, works on it, all credit to him. Debriefs the fellow. Gets him a name and a job in South America. Teaching Russian Studies to Latinos. Resettles him. Nothing too much trouble. Year later the bloody man shoots himself and breaks George’s heart. How the devil did that happen? I said to him: hell’s got into you, George? Karla topped himself. Good luck to him. Always George’s problem, seeing both sides of everything. Wore him out.” (A Legacy of Spies, John le Carré)_

________________________

It remains on her desk, the book that would have been a Father’s Day gift, the long-awaited sequel to  _Smiley’s People._

It is not, her father would have said, eyes glinting, eyebrows slightly raised, truly a sequel to _Smiley’s People._ Not the way  _The Two Towers_  is a true sequel to  _The Fellowship of the Ring_ , and _The Return of the King_ is a true sequel to  _The Two Towers._ Not if by “sequel” you mean a continuation of an ongoing, incomplete narrative. It would be more accurate, her father would not have missed the chance to point out, to call  _A Legacy of Spies_  an epilogue, a coda, a postscript.

 _Oh Dad, don’t be such a pedant,_ she would have said, in a mock-scolding voice. _Anyway, it’s a sequel about one of Smiley’s people_.  _Good_   _old George Smiley is just a supporting character this time. It’s someone else’s turn to take center stage._

 _Ahhh … Peter Guillam,_ he would have said, with a smile. _You’ve always wanted to read a whole book about him_. Then, in a gentle aside, he would have asked,  _Did it disappoint?_

 _Well … it did, actually_ , she would have replied, surprising even herself with this admission, this self-revelation. He knew her all too well, her father. She misses this; this and a thousand other things about him, with him, by him, for him.

 _I didn’t exactly know what I wanted to happen to Guillam later in life,_ she would have confided,  _but –_

_– but you knew what you didn’t want to happen?_

She would have nodded in reply, before adding,  _You_ _were right about Karla, Dad. He killed himself, just like you predicted. He couldn’t live with himself, couldn’t live with who and what he had become._

 _He wouldn’t be able to live with himself, with the death of illusion and the demise of the man he had always believed himself to be_ , her father had scribbled, on the right margin of the last page of  _Smiley’s People_. She had traced her finger over his cramped and difficult-to-read handwriting over and over again, trying to conjure in her imagination the young man who had written those words, the young man who had not yet become her father, the young man she had never known and could only glimpse from afar.   

 _Smiley, you mean? Smiley wouldn’t be able to live with himself?_ she had asked her father, not long after he gave her his copy of the book to read.

_No, not Smiley. Karla. Smiley will persevere. He’ll break his heart many times over, but he’ll persevere. He’ll die of old age in his bed, or after fighting his way through a long, lingering illness. Smiley never had any illusion to begin with, except –_

_– except about his wife. About Ann. “The last illusion – “_  

 _“– of the illusionless man,”_  her father had said, finishing the quote they had both loved, that she  _still_  loves.


	2. The Dark Side of the Moon

He kissed her, forcibly. And by forcibly she meant, by force, against her will; not powerfully, or persuasively, the way that sentence – “He kissed her, forcibly” – was sometimes misused in a certain kind of novels to signpost passion and desire, to exemplify romance.   

He kissed her,  _forcibly_. There was nothing romantic about it. There was only violation: of trust, of boundaries, of dignity.

He lectured her, berated her and harangued her that  _he_ –not the man she was planning to marry –was the one she should love, the one she should be spending her life with.

_You like him because he’s not damaged. Because he’s plain vanilla. But it’s not going to work. He couldn’t even begin to understand you. Only those who are damaged could understand the damaged._

_I am not damaged!_

_He’ll grow sick of you very soon. Sick of your insecurity, sick of your defensiveness, sick of your conviction that no one will ever truly love you. He wouldn’t be able to understand how you could be so full of confidence about your career, yet so doubtful and insecure about love. But I understand. I understand completely, because like you, I’ve been hurt too._

If this had happened while they were still coworkers, it would have been a clear case of sexual harassment. But Tom was far too canny for that. He never showed her his dark side until after she had moved to another job – her dream job, a job he had encouraged her to pursue. He never showed her his possessive and obsessive side until after she had taken him into her heart as a friend.

Rosalie had liked him; that was the hell of it. Liked him first as a colleague, and then as a friend. He was funny. He was irreverent about the overblown solemnity of the endless memos from HQ and the passive-aggressive bickering of middle management. He never treated her – the only woman in their team – as if she was not good enough, as if she did not belong, as if she was barging in where women were not welcomed.   

This was Tom’s reputation at work: he was a good mentor, and unlike so many men in this male-dominated field, a good mentor to male and female colleagues both. He treated female colleagues with respect, and never crossed any boundaries with them, sexually or otherwise. Rosalie had witnessed this first hand, had experienced this first hand.

How was she to know that there was a completely different side to him, a side that would rear its ugly head when they were no longer coworkers?

It would have been less terrifying to believe that all predators resemble Harvey Weinstein or Donald Trump, obvious monsters with their obvious crudeness, bluster and vulgarity, clear for all to see. But Tom was both the mentor who encouraged Rosalie, who respected her ability, who believed that she was capable of greatness in her career,  _and_  the man who thought that he had a right to dictate her love life, who thought that he had a right to  _her_. How do you guard yourself against a man like this?

 


	3. Victim and Survivor

She had begun to feel a certain degree of ambivalence about the word “survivor.” This was not something she wanted to admit out loud, for fear of being judged as unhealthy, or unnatural, or twisted, or damaged.

Of course, she fully understood that the impetus for the term “survivor” was admirable, even necessary in many ways.  _You will not be defined by this, by what a monster did to you. You are more than just his, or her, or their, victim._

But at times, lurking underneath that wholly admirable sentiment (the repeated exhortation of which had saved her life in the immediate aftermath of the rape), she sensed a different and more unsettling kind of sentiment:  _It is unseemly to “wallow in your victimization.” It’s been years, why are you not over it? Why have you not survived and thrived and rose from the ashes? Why have you not healed completely? What is taking you so long? Why have you not given us the happy ending, the hopeful denouement?_

The word “victim” has taken on a sinister connotation in certain quarters, where to say that someone is a victim is interpreted as an insult, as a grave accusation of weakness and fecklessness.  _How dare you? How dare you think so lowly of her? How dare you think that she would ever allow this terrible thing to happen to herself? She is too strong for that. She is too empowered for that._

As if having something terrible happened to us, having a crime committed against us, is irrefutable evidence of our own character flaws and deficiencies.  

Victim-blaming, masquerading as empowerment.

Perhaps it is time to reclaim the word “victim.” To say, without the torment of shame and the fear of judgment,  _I am a victim and a survivor both._ Or even, for some,  _I am a victim, and not yet a survivor._


	4. It’s Not Because She’s A Woman

It’s not because she’s a woman. It’s because she’s a uniquely flawed candidate with a long history of scandals, made-up or otherwise. (And of course she must be held accountable for her husband’s transgressions too, not just her own.)

It’s not because she’s a woman. It’s because her too-serious looks and mannerisms remind voters of their strict and stern third-grade teachers. No one wants a Scolder-In-Chief as their President. (A male Groper-In-Chief, however, is perfectly acceptable.)  

It’s not because she’s a woman. It’s because her voice sounds like the voice of a teenage girl, and what could be more vapid, silly and unserious than teenage girls? No one wants a Valley Girl as their President. (A Sulky Boy who throws temper tantrums via Twitter on a daily basis, however, is perfectly qualified to be President.)   

It’s not because she’s a woman. It’s because she’s too assertive. It’s because she’s not assertive enough. It’s because she’s a bitch. It’s because she’s a weakling. It’s because she’s too young. It’s because she’s too old. It’s because she wants it too much. It’s because she doesn’t want it enough. It’s because she seems so desperate for the job. It’s because she doesn’t seem desperate enough. It’s because she’s too feminine. It’s because she’s not feminine enough. It’s because she tries too hard to look tough. It’s because she doesn’t look tough enough.   

It’s not because she’s a woman, but no woman has ever been considered good enough to reach the highest office in the land, to hold the job that has been held by such luminaries of the male species like Donald J. Trump.

True equality is when a woman who is as mediocre as Trump could also aspire to the Presidency. But for now, even exceptional women are not considered good enough for it.   


	5. He Didn’t Do It, But Even If He Did

He didn’t do it, but even if he did, it was only:

  * horseplay
  * roughhousing
  * playacting
  * teenage stuff
  * drunken stuff
  * male hormones stuff
  * locker-room stuff
  * boys being boys
  * men being men
  * a few minutes of “action”
  * seven minutes of heaven



He didn’t do it, but even if he did, his pain will always and forever outweigh his victim’s pain.

He didn’t do it, but even if he did, like other men who did do it, eventually he will be the one who gets to write a first-person essay in a prestigious national magazine to gain our sympathy and to tell us how much he has suffered and how  _he_ is the  _real_ victim.

He didn’t do it, but even if he did, we must grant him forgiveness without apology, absolution without atonement, and redemption without restitution.    

He didn’t do it, but even if he did, it wouldn’t fucking matter.   


	6. Character In Limbo

Samuel, or Samantha? The character in limbo waits for its fate.

The adorable quirks of Samuel would be perceived as the annoying habits of Samantha.

The manly reserve of Samuel would be perceived as the unwomanly coldness of Samantha.

The admirable bluntness of Samuel’s tongue would be perceived as the deplorable shrewishness of Samantha’s tongue.

Samuel’s commendable drive to achieve would be perceived as Samantha’s vulgar ambition.

Samuel is more likely to be perceived as _sui generis_ , one of a kind, beyond comparison.  

Samantha is more likely to be endlessly compared and contrasted to other women characters or to an idealized version of The Good Woman.

Samuel’s flaws = evidence that he is a complex, complicated, well-rounded character.

Samantha’s flaws = evidence that she is a self-serving, entitled bitch.

The evil that Samuel does is contextualized.

The evil that Samantha does is pathologized.


End file.
